The pages are aged and brown with the script nearly illegible in places. While transcribing the poems, no attempt was made to correct spelling or grammar.
JUST 'FORE CHRISTMAS
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Mother Calls me Willie, but the fellers call me Bill
Mighty glad I ain’t a girl – rather be a boy.
Without them sashes, curls an’ things that’s worn by Fontleroy!
Love to chawnk green apples, an’ go swimming in the lake.
Hate to take the caster ile they give for the bellyache!
Most all the time the whole year round, there ain’t no flies on me.
But just ‘fore Christmas I’m as good as I kin be.
Got a yellow dog named Sport, sick him on the cat.
First thing she knows, she doesn’t know where she’s at.
Got a clipper sled, an’ when us kids goes out to slide,
‘Long comes the grocery cart an’ we all hook a ride.
But sometimes when the grocery man is worrit(?) an’ cross,
He reaches us with his whip an larrups his hoss.
An’ then I laff an’ holler “Oh ye never teched me!”
But just ‘fore Christmas I’m as good as I can be!
Gran’ma says she hopes that when I get to be a man,
I’ll be a missionarer like her oldest brother Dan.
As was et up by the Cannibuls that live in Ceylon’s Isle
Where every prospect pleases, and only man is vile!
But gran’ma she has never been to see a Wild West show,
Nor read the life of Daniel Boon, or else I guess she’d know.
That Buffalo Bill an’ cow-boys is good enough for me,
Excep’ jest ‘fore Christmas when I’m good as I kin be.
And then old Sport, he hangs around so solemn like an’ still
His eyes they seem a saying “What’s matter with you Bill?”
The old cat sneaks down off her perch and wonders
What became of them two enemies of her’n that used to make things hum.
But I’m so perlite and tend so earnestly to biz
That mother says to father, “How improved our Willie is.”
But father havin’ been a boy hisself suspicions me
When just ‘fore Christmas I’m as good as I kin be!
For Christmas with its lots and lots of candy, cakes, an’ toys
Was made they say for proper kids and not only for boys.
So wash yer face an’ brush yer hair, an’ mind yer p’s and q’s.
An’ don’t bust out yer pantaloons an’ don’t wear out your shoes.
Say “yessum” to the ladies and “yessur” to the men
An’ when there’s company, don’t pass your plate for pie again.
But thinking of the things yer’d like to see upon that tree
Just ‘fore Christmas be as good as yer kin be.
PETER BUYS A PRESENT
Good mornin’, Ma’am. Wal, Yes I kinder ‘lowed like I’d buy something. Yes, that’s it – something for a Christmas present. An’ I want it to be real nice, too. I ain’t going’ to be skimpy in buyin’ it. Bein’ as Christmas don’t come very often, I’m going to sort of blow myself as the sayin’ is.
Er – Wal, no it ain’t for my father [confidentially] You see, I’m planning to give pop a shote for a present. No ma’am, I didn’t say shirt – shote, a pig you know. Bill Hawkins has got some to sell an’ I thought pop’d be real pleased with one for Christmas.
Er – Wal, no it ain’t for my ma. I’ve bought ‘er a nice present already. It’s a real useful gift an’ that’s what ma likes. It’s a kitchen apron, sort of trimmed up to look kind of like it was for afternoon. You see, Milly Beggs made some of ‘em to sell for Chris’mas presents, an’ she got me to buy one for ma.
Er – Wal, yes its for a young lady. No it – that is, it isn’t for my sister. [gets confused] She’s I you see, she is, it’s a – young lady. Yes Ma’am, that’s it one of my friends. Wal to tell the truth. I don’t know what I wanted, thought maybe you, bein’ as you work here in the store, could kind of help me pick out something.
What? Hoes? No, I don’t want to give her hoes, seein’ as they live on a farm, they’ve got plenty of hoes around an’ she – Wal – she don’t take much to working in the garden. Ohhh, you mean stockin’s? I thought you was talking ‘bout hoes. Wal stockin’s – I don’t guess I want to buy ‘er them cause she seems to have plenty of ‘em. Er – I – that is I’s noticed she has got ‘em in ‘bout all the colors that’s been worn most. She’s a real hand to dress up, an’ maybe you won’t believe it, but when she wears a brown dress she wears brown stockin’s and when she wears a white dress she wears white stockin’s and so on.
Wal, yes I want something real nice. I want ‘er to know that I’m not close when it comes to buyin’ Christmas presents, an’ I don’t mind spendin’ a dollar or even a little more. What’s that? Longher-ray? Wal – I – don’t know if she’s got any of ‘em already or not. You see I don’t know what they look like an [very confused] oh, its them. Wal I don’t guess I’d better give ‘er things like that. I, Wal, you know.
Gloves? Yes that might be all right only – no I don’t know what size. No, Ma’am, I don’t know if her hand’s very big you see we ain’t got to the point of holdin’ hands yet. I’m – Wal the truth is, I sort of bashful when it comes to bein’ forward.
Han’kerchiefs? Wa-al. I don’t know. I’d kind of like something a little more diff’rent than jest han’kerchiefs. They’re kind of common, ain’t they? I don’t s’pose you’ve got a nice photograph album for – Wal, that ain’t to high. My pap gave ma one ‘fore they was married an’ she liked it so well shes got it yet. What? They’ve gone out of style. Wal, that settles it. I’ve got to have something stylish if I have to go as high as a dollar and a half for it.
A bottle of perfum’ry? Say that’s a good suggestion. I knew you’d know what I should ought to buy. You see if I gave ‘er perfum’ry, I’ll get to enjoy that too. Specially if I get so’s I can spunk up an’ set sort of close by ‘er on the sofy when I drop over to call. Yes, I’ll take some perfum’ry – real nice an’ strong so the smell stays on a han’kerchief all the evenin’. All right le’s look at it.
AFTER CHRISTMAS
Today my teacher said to me,
“You’re just as bad as you can be.”
I didn’t tell her, “No Siree!
That lots more badness wuz in me.”
Today I didn’t do a thing
But tie a harmless little string
Across the floor by teachers chair
[I thought she’d see that it wuz there].
And when she tripped and almost fell
A tattle-tale just had to tell
And after that I put a worm
Down Mabel’s neck to see her squirm.
And next before I’d stopped to think
I spilled a bottle full of ink.
I never meant to spill the stuff
But teacher said, “Hush, that’s enough”.
“Fore Christmas I was just as good
And acted like a feller should
But meanness just stocked up you see
And now it’s leakin’ out of me.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
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